Delusions of Grandeur

Delusions of grandeur vividly beaming

Tears in a heart unfortunately streaming

Nights all alone continually coming

Cold hearts of stone always appealing

Morally sound when it’s convenient to you

Always hurting me though you don’t mean to

Not your fault it’s mine all alone

Hurting me was never your goal

Just being a man is all you did

Not realizing what was happening

Delusions of grandeur vividly beaming

Tears in a heart unfortunately streaming

Nights all alone continually coming

Cold hearts of stone always appealing

Feelings are felt without much thought

Not much reason, not much sought

Let it be, me

Hold me

Touch me

Love me

Want me

ME

From the darker side of the moon I write

Of one woman’s heart aches and one woman’s’ plight

One woman’s struggles and one woman’s pain

One woman’s longings and one woman’s gains       

One woman’s’ emotions as they come and they go

Written on paper the world not to show

One woman’s passions and one woman’s loves

One heart’s desire for one man’s sweet love

Delusions of grandeur vividly beaming

Tears in a heart unfortunately streaming

Nights all alone continually coming

Cold hearts of stone always appealing

Sometimes,

I make mountains out of mole hills

Make things bigger than they are or they need to be

But hey,

That’s just me

Always the romantic and ever seeking that happy ending that

ALWAYS is JUST beyond my finger tips

Always so close but yet oh so far

How I wish I could play guitar!

Notes to some words would so calm my soul

Give me a peace that only I could know

Chill sister Chill!

Be patient, be fine

Be understanding and caring and give him HIS time

Yours you have had,

Your pleasure amassed

Fucked that one and the other

Your head sure was gassed

Too soon now my Padiwan

His heart for you should wait

I hear Yoda speaking as I lengthen my gait

Buckle my shoes and take on new burdens

All the while in my glass house pulling my curtains

Delusions of grandeur vividly beaming

Tears in a heart unfortunately streaming

Nights all alone continually coming

Cold hearts of stone always appealing

Take that and that I think in my mind

As I lay down to calm and let thoughts unwind

Just calming the heat I feel in my head

Soothing the loneliness felt in my bed

Thank you for being a … DUDE (sang to Golden Girl's Theme song tune)

Thought I’d say friend huh

I know it’s kinda rude

But that’s what I’m feeling

Hidden or not

Thoughts on my paper I just HAD to drop

Tears you can’t see, drip drop drop drip

You, my number one, the tip top top tip

To sum it all up I shouldn’t be hurt,

Shouldn’t be this foolish because I wear a skirt

My mind is not addle and freely can think

Estrogen should not make me the one, the weaker link

Blown out of proportion this seems to be

All fingers for reasons all point to me

I’m sorry I love you and sorry I care

Sorry your lips I wish not to share

Sorry you’re you and more sorry I’m me

But honest, friendly and loving to you I’ll always be

See you next life time hopefully then with a change

Your heart no longer shackled and held by those chains 

Delusions of grandeur vividly beaming

Tears in a heart unfortunately streaming

Nights all alone continually coming

Cold hearts of stone always appealing

Passion for Poetry - My thoughts recorded

OUR NEXT LIFETIME


Dark skin caressed by darker night
Alone but not afraid
Memories of a distant time
That never seem to fade

Brought again the cream to rise
Before joyful, tearful eyes
Holes mended in a heart forlorn
No longer to be thought of scorned.

Angels fly above the head 
the one who lacks belief
Looking down and blessings placing closer to her feet.
When realized the dream became the exuberance burst out
"I'm so DAMN glad to have this back" was loudly, boldly shout

So when all fails and love is lost
Sip not on hateful wine
For what this life eludes our hearts
Is found our next Lifetime.

My Passion for Stargazer Lillies

I told you guys it wouldn't be long before my first post on one of my favorite things. Here is the first and it is something that is definetly a passion of mine.

Stargazer by John Dankwardt

My background is a beautiful picture of my favorite flower the Stargazer Lily, taken by photographer John Dankwardt. He has a quite FABULOUS collection of photos  that you can find at http://www.flickriver.com/photos/bunka1/. For me, the contrast between the vibrant colors of the flower petals and the black background brings an elegance and depth to the photo that is rarely found in images of flowers. This picture captures the essence, and beauty of the flower so well. I LOVE it!

I remember receiving a bouquet of flowers with huge, beautiful Stargazer lilies from an old boss Christopher Kern, while I was out sick once. I had never seen anything so beautiful. From then on I was hooked :) For many thousands of years lilies have been associated with thoughts of purity. Which is why we often see them at Easter and actually have Easter lilies. These are plain white lilies. They are thought to have began to grow on soil wet by Jesus' tears in the garden of Gethsemane after the suffering he bore in his final hours, so churches use Easter lilies to memorialize the Jesus' resurrection. White lilies are also used to convey sympathy.

White Stargazer

Stargazer lilies are perennials and are a recent addition to the lily family, having been created by Leslie Woodruff, a lily breeder in 1978. They are a hybrid variation of the Oriental lily and Asiatic lily (both of which I am also a fan,) and are now the most sought after lily type. I love the Stargazers because of their beauty, their capturing scent, their long blooming period and large blooms. In addition to that, they are very easy to grow and maintain once you keep them in well lit areas, and moist but well drained soil. Note that too much sun can fade the flower's vibrant colors, so partial shade is best. Not all Stargazers are the familiar bright pink. They actually range in color anywhere from pure white to bright pink.

The cost of Stargazer bulbs is very reasonable, and you can find them in any Lowes, Home Depot, Walmart or any place that sells a good variety of plants or flowers. Facts and care instructions can be found many places online. I personally like the site http://www.lilyflowerstore.com. In addition to Stargazers, they carry a large variety of lily types and can ship out to you whatever you want. 

I find it hard to imagine that anyone can fail to acknowledge the sheer beauty of these flowers.

An invitation to see the world through my mind's eye

So... you're here to read what I wrote. Great! I have been contemplating starting a blog for a while, but I have so many things that I would like to say I thought that it would be difficult to have a blog with focus. No one wants to read thoughts that are all over the place, so I'll try my best not to do that. I am sure that with time the blog will develop into what I hope for it to become. Until then, I (hopefully with your help) will navigate my way through these unfamiliar waters. Be patient with me :) 


For now the blog is intended to be the world  as I view it. I have neither the time nor patience to write about every single thing, but I will touch on my passions and pleasures. Things that I come across in life that capture my interest and my attention. If I am discussing it then it is something that I think is worth sharing. I put many of my thoughts into poetry and prose so from time to time there will be a few pieces as well. 


So welcome to the journey that is my life.      

~~~ Happiness is a journey not a destination~~~

MY MIND'S EYE

In my mind’s eye I see things that could be

And things that can never be

I see the flight of beautiful things

And the death of things that come crashing down with such force, that not only does the earth shake

but the heaven’s wail, time stands still and heart’s break

Beautiful things though my mind can see

Never really seem to happen to me

Always so close but yet oh so far

A piercing reality and quite visible scar

Hearts mends, minds change

But some things forever remain the same

Not a reality I wanted to see

But quite the reality I thought it would be

Holding on to the things we believe so dear

For not more than an unsubstantiated fear

One can’t be one that now is none

One is one! And from that two or three can spawn

No understanding of this yet has been made

Not for lack of wanting but for lack of faith

A faith in a faith of her with no faith

With a want of a want of her want

All the dreams in her mind

Now all must subside

For the lack of what’s wanted is real

Hold on,

So you mean to tell me this all was for naught?

All was for nothing, all was a crock?

No!

This all was for something, all was for love

All was for his smile all because I could

Though things aren’t quite what I wanted them to be

There’s still lots of love surrounding me

I’m no longer hoping, or waiting or wanting

But living, and loving my smiling face undaunted

Not wanting to revert behind the wall of illusions

The wall of abuse and the wall of refusal

From this I grow

Taller and stronger and bigger and longer

More into the woman I want to become

I see her in the distance not too far away

Standing and waiting for me, but not today

I’m not ready but hopeful that soon I will be

My mind’s eye can see her staring at me

She loves unconditionally without and fear,

Not afraid to love her love, not afraid of tears

She’s stronger, and calmer and better than me

All this, oh all this, my mind’s eye can see

She never allows one to dampen her spirits

Never allows anyone to hinder her limits

Her boundaries are endless no boundary in sight

She loves every creature with all of her might

She stands proudly unguarded and proudly ALIVE

Proud of her mistakes and proud of her strides

She passionately delivers herself to outstanding places bounding in wealth

She mothers her children with joy, love and care

She molds their weak hearts, their minds taught to dare

She singly stands a beacon of pride

A vision of hope to each young, girl child

She tall as a model of a black woman stands

Bending to no other person’s demands

She with graceful features, confidence exudes

She smiles as an answer to questions meant to hurt

And isn’t afraid to heist up her skirt

She defends family in friends with mascular vengeance

She achieves all goals she wants to accomplish

THEN,

My mind’s eye sees her drawing closer each day

Not today, not tomorrow but soon I shall say

That woman is ME

The pride gladly I’ll show

My mind’s eye allowed me this always to know

My being evolved to this woman so meek

My being evolved and this woman is ME

My mind’s eye as always many things show

But my mind’s eye has always helped me to grow

So this too shall pass

And lessons it’s taught me

Has helped in the evolution to true ME

I’m molded by actions of me and of others

Molded by actions of friends, family and lovers

Shaped to a woman remarkable to see

Shaped to an outstanding version of me!

So pain be my chisel

And joy be my kiln

Laughs be my potter’s wheel

Powered by my will

Tears be my glaze

And smiles be the embers

Memories of both happiness and aches I’ll remember

Gradual shaping soon coming to end

Reveling true being, all love to defend

In thoughts, it is blurry and too far to see

But my mind’s eye sees it coming as clear as can be.